As humorous as your humerus

Mamma Mia Remix

2009-08-12T02:32:00.005-05:00

This special ABBA remix goes out to a very special group of people

Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I dismiss you
Mamma mia, does it show again
My my, guess I'll have to diss you

Yes, I've lived with regeret
Blue since the day we met
Why, why I don't get you psycho
Mamma mia, even if I say
Bye bye, leave me now forever
Mamma mia, it's not a game we play
Bye bye, doesn't mean your clever

These people are so deserving with they way they treated me they get another ABBA remix

Where are those happy days, they seems so hard to find
I try to talk to you but you have your closed mind
Whatever happened to my Love?
I wish you understood
You could try to be nice, it may turn out good

So when you're near me or my darling you can kiss my
A.S.S
The love you claim for me,is a lie you are an
A.S.S
When you're gone
How great to not be your pawn
When you're gone
I won't forget you're a moron

Bubbles Burst and Banks Go Bust

2008-09-19T15:48:00.005-05:00

Earlier this week I was enjoying Fizzy Lifting Drink and swimming among the bubbles whilst listening to the radio when I heard the financial report. Ordinarily I don't normally listen because I don't have much money, or any assets. Compared to what most people my age have, I have tuppence. That is merely due to the fact that I am a perpetual student and without a job.

But the words Lehman Brothers,large drop in the Dow Jones, largest bankruptcy in US history, came tumbling out of the radio. Well this caught my attention.

What the bloody hell was happening to the US financial market?

This is what I was able to gather although my mind is not so financially oriented.
Merrill Lynch was going to be sold to Bank of America.
AIG shares fell 95% and the Federal Reserve intervened.
Lehman Brothers filed chapter 11.

What does this all mean?
Should I be concerned? Should I hide my tuppence in my shoe? Whose fault was this? How could this happen?

A Possible Solution...Time to Reform Wall Street

There is a general problem in corporate America of stockholders being unable to effectively organize to rein in top management. This problem is most serious in the financial industry.

Thankfully, the credit crisis gives us the tools we need to rein in executive pay. Currently, the major surviving investment banks (e.g. Merrill Lynch, Morgan Stanley, Goldman Sachs) are operating on life support. They are drawing money at below-market interest rates from the Federal Reserve Board's discount window. This privilege (for which they pay nothing) can easily be worth billions of dollars a year.

These banks are also operating with an explicit guarantee from Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke to their creditors that he will honor their loans in the event that an investment bank, like Bear Stearns, goes belly up. This guarantee is enormously valuable. Investors who make loans to Merrill Lynch or Morgan Stanley don't have to worry about the health of these companies because Bernanke has said that, if necessary, he will use public money to pay them back.

While we don't want a chain reaction of banking collapses on Wall Street, the public should get something in exchange for Bernanke's generosity. Specifically, he can demand a cap on executive compensation (all compensation) of $2 million a year, in exchange for getting bailed out. For any bank that is not on board, Bernanke could make an explicit promise to their creditors - if the bank goes under, you will get zero from the Fed.

I have always been weary of bankers and investors since a young age after watching an ancient man sing about how great money is then try to steal from a little boy. I guess if I do enter the market I will tread lightly.

Lil Green Patch

2008-05-19T12:48:00.002-05:00

I have of late fallen head over heels with a Facebook application called Lil Green Patch. The developers of (Lil) Green Patch are using sponsorship revenue from advertisers to make donations to the Nature Conservancy's Adopt an Acre program. Adopt an Acre is a program that provides critical funds for rainforest protection and restoration.Basically the more you use the application, sponsors give money to the cause. As of April 2008 20,547,567 Sq ft of rainforest was saved. Plus it is a delightful way to procrastinate and make my page pretty.

Why you shouldn't argue with your Therapist...

2008-02-08T08:30:00.001-05:00

So I have stumbled into a little bit of a pickle with Therapist. I am sure like any other relationship that you have had for 3 years, tension will build, some nasty remarks are made, and you end up in a bit of a quarrel. The only problem is when it is your therapist, she has the power to lock your bottom up in an asylum so you can bounce off the walls in your brand new jacket, that surprisingly doesn't let your hands come out the other side but end up behind your back. I mean I like to bounce off my own walls and wear my own not so fashionable clothes in my own house. I don't need to be given a new location to do that.

When you get loud with your therapist, now you are aggressive. If you don't agree with them, you are oppositional-defiant. If you don't have friends, you are suffering from social isolation. If you like sex and to spend money you are maniac. If you tell them you are not happy with where you go to school, then you are depressed and just can't see how great things are. I mean I am happy when I go home, when I go to other cities, I am even happy when I don't have school and stay in town. So situational depression is hard to identify when you are in a situation that lasts about half a decade.

So to prove how sane I am to my therapist and prevent getting locked up. She slapped some drugs on me to control me in order to prevent putting me in an asylum but now I have to see her all the time. So due to crazy school scheduling, I have to meet her at the crack of dawn. So I am late and she calls me a flake. I disagree with her because she has been late before...mistake number one, now I am labeled as oppositional-defiant. I decided to reach out to others to show I didn't have social isolation. I chose the headmaster of the school. That didn't go so well, I ended up yelling at him...uh-oh is that aggressive? Then they are like hey why don't we take a trip to the local hospital (cough cough asylum). I am like can't I am traveling across the country for a weekend...damn that just comes off as looking manic, although I had bought that ticket a while ago. Then my Headmaster expresses his doubts about me continuing in the program...so I start to get teary eyed (ok I was crying)...now they got me for depression! Damn CheckMate...the people at my school are professionals they have gotten everything to make it seem like I am completely off my nutter.

But wait I was lucky enough to have a sanity check by talking to people that actually know me and not just glimpses of me from halls or through completely loaded questions.
Honestly, my school and those associated with it (Therapist, Headmaster, professor that knows a lot and can't teach (oh wait that is practically all of them)) are my sources of stress, my anxiety, and my depression. But I don't have clinical depression because it has to persist for two weeks. Oh they are sorry I have internet access and can look up DSM-IV criteria. So I won't let my Therapist convince me I am crazy, insane, mad, loony, wacky, bonkers, or loco.

Steve The Penguin

2007-12-27T23:56:00.001-05:00

Warm, sunny, high cost of living, bright, and hot are adjectives that can describe both Los Angeles, CA and St. Thomas, Virgin Islands. But although many similar adjectives can be applied to both, each locale has its unique identity and essence. Steve the Penguin by Mahlena-Rae Johnson invites the reader into the inner workings of both.

Set against the backdrop of Bianca Reagan's ten year highschool reunion in her hometown, this novel illustrates the struggles of mid-twenties in a funny and entertaining way. The clashing of a perpetuated identity lingering from highschool collides with the evolving identity that Bianca Reagan has chosen for herself. Running into long-last pals, dealing with new friend's drama, and connecting with an old crush delivers plenty of laughs yet elicits a sense of lose for days that can no longer be had.

I thorougly enjoyed this book and would recommend this book to others. If you want to see how Bianca Reagan deals with maintaining a fast-paced life of an Angeleno, catching up with old friends, and exploring feelings for an old crush all within a week, then pick up this book and read it!

Who says 4 out of 5 isn't bad?

2007-12-13T16:38:00.000-05:00

As some of you know I have my heart set on becoming a Snozzberry Gustatologist. I have studied many years to get to this point, made many sacrificies (ok not many a few), suffered humiliation and awkward silences to get to this point. Now my dream is on the rocks (and not in the good way like "Whiskey on the Rocks"). One thing my dream was based on and I kind of took for granted was one of my 5 senses. As a Snozzberry gustatologist it is very important to be able to distinguish the nuances between different kinds of snozzberries.

The snozzberry is a very exquisite fruit and must be completely experienced in order to even begin to comprehend the bliss that is a good snozzberry. What the snozzberry has to offer in terms of gustatory rapture is beyond imagination (or do I daresay Pure Imagination). I used to be a fan and proponent of the pomegrante in terms of exhilirating fruits, I dabbled with delightful passion fruit that really elicited some passion, but the snozzberry makes those enticing fruits seem like day old water you find sitting out in the sun on a park bench.

But I digress, although I absolutely abhor that pretentious, pompous puke called Willy Wonka, he did introduce me to the splendiferous snozzberry. I have since built my whole life around the study of and enjoyment of snozzberries. I have recently become ill and instead of 5 great senses I was down to 4, and probably have about 4.27 out of 5 right now. The sense that is sooo important as a gustatologist is Taste. At one point I had no taste at all, I thought it was because I had a cold and when you can't smell so well, your taste is off. Mine was not just a little off it just wasn't there. I had a very simple procedure done and my doctor was able to restore most of my taste. He said it would be a long journey and hopefully one day I will have complete restoration.

I have gotten back the middle third, parts of my posterior tongue in terms of taste. I have salty; thank heavens considering my dad owns a nut factory. Could you imagine my poor dad sending me so many of those ridiculous nuts he always sends me that are coated in salt and I told him I couldn't tast them anymore, it would break his little heart. I have some spicy back, it is a little dull not as robust as before. I have sour. I had some grapes the other day, and they were so unpleasantly sour but I ate every one. I have actually taken to eating sour grapes quite often. I definately have bitter back. That one may have been nice to not have, but as a future gustatologist I can't discriminate against different kinds of tastes, although unpleasant for me, some people like bitter tasting snozzberries. But the one that hurts the most, the one I miss the most is sweet. As you all know my second passion behind snozzberries was candy. Which was unquestionably sweet. Sweet snozzberries were my favorite, in fact still are my favorite but now I can't detect them. The candy just tastes salty, sour, or bitter but no hint of sweetness. My doctor said this would resolve but when, it has been several months.

Honestly Life just isn't as sweet as it used to be!!

Sleep Deprived

2007-12-01T02:46:00.000-05:00

Sleep would be nice...but it just isn't happening for me. Maybe I should find some snozzberry tea to help me drift off.

Is it time for Candy Corn already?

2007-09-18T19:17:00.000-05:00

I stumbled upon this on a computer I happened to be using. As you all know I love candy and sweets...but this is going a bit far. And it is incredibly corny. Yeah it must be hallowen because this classifies as Candy Corn...(I realize this comment in itself is corny but I coudln't help myself)

Although this unlikely romance started online
I doubted that you would ever be mine
At first it seemed like we would never mix
Yet here we are celebrating month six
So just like this Elephant you would find at a zoo
Despite how it ends, I will never forget you
My love for you is like Linux Ubuntu
You could get by without it, but I would not want to

I feel bad for the sorry Chap that received this pitiful attempt at poetry!!
But honestly I doubt I could do any better.

Valley of The Dolls and the Long Shadows Cast There...

2007-05-22T23:45:00.000-05:00

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of dolls
I take a look at my life and realize I am trapped within squalls
Cause I've been procrastinating and crying so long that
Even my reflection thinks that my mind is gone....

Power and the money, money and the power
Minute after minute, hour after hour
Everybody's studying, but half of them ain't bookin
What's goin on in the kitchen, but I don't know what's cookin

They say I got to learn, but nobody's here to teach me
If they can't understand it, how can they reach me?
I guess they can't -- I guess they won't
I guess profs be shunting, that's why I know my life is out of luck, in terms of school

Been spending most our lives
Trying to achieve A Hamster's Paradise
Been spending most our lives
Trapped in this Hamster Paradise

Tell me why are we -- so blind to see
That this huge Wheel Lacks real Appeal
Tell me why are we -- so blind to see
That these glass walls will not conceal
How it is impossible to get the degree

A little Gangsta's Paradise remix to express the current frustration that is slowly consuming me. I am trying ever so hard to remain vigilant against the allure of Dolls in whatever shape they may take form. Because once you are trapped within the shadows of the Valley of Dolls it is near impossible to imagine the light again.

"You've got to climb Mount Everest to reach the Valley of the Dolls."

At first the above line was confusing to me, but my current situation helps me understand it better. It is only when you have achieved so much and have come so far that you get overtaken by dolls in a feeble attempt to deal with the situation or go farther.

So although currently doll-less (and hoping to remain that way), I am still within the valley and the just the shadows create enough darkness for me to be scared. I will just embrace the shadows and darkness and navigate my way out using other senses besides sight. It may take longer and take a toll on me mentally. But it will be worth it because outside of this valley is the Success I have dreamed about since I was a little girl.

Imus ease on down the road!

2007-04-12T23:21:00.000-05:00

Ease on down, Ease on down the road come on,
Ease on down, Ease on down the road
Don't you carry nothing that might be a load come on,
Ease on down Ease on down, down the road

I guess that Job was the load that was slowing Don Imus down, but now Imus can just ease on down the road. I am sure he will do fine and unfortunately this will probably be a boost to his career becaue he has risen out of obscurity and into the spotlight. I never heard of this guy and now he is notorious. Ok sure as a female...the term Ho does offend me but I will not just rant and rave about Imus, Bernard McGuirk is actually the one that referred to the players as Hard core Hoes.

True Imus took it further, but they continued with the racial remarks by referring to Jigaboos vs Wannabees. Some bloggers say cute Spike Lee reference. I disagree. First of all he cited the wrong Movie, so I am not so sure as to its innocent nature. Second having watched School Daze and many Spike Lee movies, their are funny parts and although represented in a musical style it was about a serious issue of divide within the Black community based on different shades of black.

Imus and friends seemed to miss the message of Spike Lee's little musical number. So when you do a joke about something and miss the essence it will probably come of as offensive. Being on the outside and never being able to identify with any part of his disparaging comment since he does not have ovaries or nappy hair , his weak attempt at an uncreative, relying on played out sterotypes joke came off as offensive.

I am all for free speech. He said what he said. People responded, advertisers pulled out and the companies he worked for decided to pledge allegiance to the almighty dollar then support his consistently offensive humor. So I guess Money Talks and Imus Walks.

TIIR update

2007-04-03T10:01:00.000-05:00

Feb 26-April 1
Studying: 4 days 4 hours 15 minutes 16 seconds
So lot of time spent studying, but very frustrating, and unknown as to whether things are getting better. Trying not to let school crush my spirit. About to step it up and do mornings as well with new study partner.

Exercise: sporadic at best, but snozzberry picking has provided some physical activity
Diet: Stress and healthy eating don't mix, so that has been a negative.

Social: Well met a nice guy named Ron Weasley. That is going better then I could have expected. So he went to Hogwarts Wizarding school and honestly the things he does to me is pure magic. He was really understanding when I had to study and even supplied me with caffeine and school supplies. We hang out, go to nice restaurants, and indulge in snozzberries nonstop. He likes them just as much, maybe even more then I do. I am the first muggle he has ever dated, but I don't think that will be a problem. So this has been an exciting new development that I hope lasts.

Addiction Affliction...What's my Fiction?

2007-03-30T06:58:00.000-05:00

Addiction Affliction...What's my Fiction?
Inflicting nerds and mazes and causes.

My Schoolhouse Rock lyrics aren't as educational and a little bit more depressing. But this morning when I almost considered abandoning my whole day and any plans I had for it when I was unable to locate my $8-dollar a bean, chocolate-covered espresso beans. I couldn't imagine going to school, or getting any work done without my tasty pick-me up that I have come to rely on. Caffeine and chocolate, the chocolate is something I love and the caffeine is something I need. But as I tore my room apart, which already looked like the Geese room after I tore it apart (maybe an early sign of my addiction...I just wanted some Golden Chocolate eggs), the thought entered my head...maybe somebody stole them. I thought of my roommates and friends I have had over, wondering how they found them in the mess that is my room. But I was convinced...until through tears and sobs I located them...under some jeans.

After I washed down "My Precious" with some Mountain Dew and washed the tears and sleep out of my eyes, I realized it was ridiculous for me to even think someone stole them. Practically no one knows I even have these expensive little treats that have improved my life and made it bearable again. Then the even more ridiculous thought crept into my head, maybe I have a problem. In a world where people choose money over people, drink 4 margaritas at lunch, throw up in library bathrooms to avoid gaining weight, I will choose to ignore my problem like so many others do. Those little beans enhance my life like nothing else ever has.

Newsflash... I am a spoiled Brat

2007-03-28T23:11:00.000-05:00

As much as I complain about my dad always making things difficult, he is definately not as dreadful as my other parental unit, Edina Monsoon. So I have my super stressful academic situation that consumes most of my time, my patience, and sometimes even my will to live. I never believed it when people said stress kills, oh do I believe it now. It is doing a number on my body...headaches, backaches, tummyaches and many other random aches and pains. My mother (if she even deserves to be called that) lacks that maternal streak...she thinks dressing me up (that horrible red dress I wore on the day of the tour of the factory was her idea) and doing my hair is all that is required of her. So I try not to be a complete bitch, I realize her limitations in her capacity as being a parental entity, so I try to avoid her. But after my sister Saffy called me, my dad, and my mom called me this week...acting like they haven't heard from me in years, I decided I should contact them. So I sent the parents a polite email. Well that of course is not good enough for my mother. She left message, after message, so I finally gave in and called even though school is emotionally draining, and she makes any decent situation a riot of negative emotions. So I tried to not talk about school and stick to the chit chat that is suitable for strangers sitting next to each other on a trans-atlantic flight. But I let slip one disparaging remark about my school and she tells me to suck it up and stop complaining, and I should just be happy, and blah, blah, blah. I had to restrain myself and only had enough strength to just close my cell phone and turn it off. (Yeah I hung up on the old twit!) I am tired of being told it is my fault. I know it is my fault. I shouldn't even be here. I know I am lucky to be here in my situation. But I could have and really should have gone to school someplace else, I probably would be happier. I really can't take criticism from someone who always fails to be supportive and who made it clear to me a long time ago that maintaining a certain kind of lifestyle was more important then her first-born daughter. I know she has no idea and no matter how much I explain the complexity of the situation, she still finds something negative to say. I don't have time to cry... too much studying to do. So it is simpler to agree with her and just say it...I am a spoiled, rotten, horrible, awful, ungrateful, miserable brat.

Hiatus from my so-called life

2007-03-04T20:31:00.000-05:00

So after I mentally trashed my roomates. I ended up taking one of them to the emergency room. Not how I wanted to spend my day, no studying, no room cleaning. He is ok, I don't know if he even appreciates it. So after that I decided I would spend some quality time with good ole Cornelia Prinzmetal.

Well that turned out to be as good idea as Augustus jumping into that chocolate river. First she rubbed into my face how much fun she and my other friends Jane Banks and Pinky Bhamra had dancing on roof tops with the Chimney sweeps. Then she made fun of how much I love indulging in snozzberries (even though she does it all the time).True Mike Teavee is not the best supplier, but at least I know my supplier's last name. That was bad enough. Then she told me she had a personal vendetta against my old friend Alex Delarge. I will admit her first impression of him is not the best (he used to be a real troublemaker, he still can be from time to time). But overall he isn't so bad. He has always been nice to me. I tried to explain to her if she did anything too awful to him she and I couldn't be friends anymore and she was like "Over him". Prinzmetal has her bias against boys in general. I told her he was my childhood friend and we are still friends (man we used to have fun in that Durango of his on the countrysides) Cornelia was like if that is what you call a friend. True I used to have a crush on him and wanted more then friendship but he has always been a good friend to me. The reason we aren't so close anymore is because I acted like a spoiled brat one time to many and he got tired of it. But we still talk and I would give him the moon if he only asked.

So my relaxing dinner turned out to be very stressful. As I shopped to replace my broken blender I got more and more upset. Cornelia's judging of my snozzberry selection and looking down on my old chum Alex upset me. Plus I feel left out by Jane and her with their endeavors. I always find out about things last. I had to choke back a few tears as I payed for my new blender. I think I had more fun falling down Wonka's garbage chute then I had today. I think I am calling it quits on Cornelia and Jane. I don't want to intrude on their oh so fabulous social lifes.

Check your Mate

2007-03-04T09:42:00.000-05:00

I am so bloody mad right now...I could scream and cry and break shit. What was the precipating event you wonder. Well lately in my attempt to battle the bulge piling up around my middle (too many Scrumpdiddleumptious Bars), I have been having these protein shakes in the morning. They were ok, some vitamins, protein, a little flavor...and the best part very quick so I could scurry away to study.

Well imagine my surprise when this morning I am blending my shake and added some frozen fruit for some extra flare since it is a Sunday and there is protein shake leaking out. At first I thought I didn't assembly the blender right (which I have done in the past). But I checked it and that was ok. So I went back to blending and even more started coming out. So I investigate again and notice this huge crack right by the handle. So I blend again and confirm that, that is actually the source of the leak. Ok so my blender is broken, big deal right.

Well it is a big deal because I didn't break it. One of my idiot boy "roommates" broke it. These fellas aren't my mates. They infuriarte me so. Bloody New England boys (I prefer actual boys from England). Maybe I seem unreasonable and they are terrified of me, but I understand that accidents happen. Did they think I wouldn't notice? I use that blender almost every day now. I am more upset that I had to find out by making a mess of the kitchen counter then them actually just telling me.

So with the mass production of cheap unreliable products in the American market I am sure I can get a decent blender for under $20 at Target or Kmart or Walmart(shudder, that place creeps me out). But do you think after this incident that I will leave my blender downthere for them to trample on. Bloody hell I will, I will keep it in my room where it can be safe. This wasn't even the first blender incident, one crucnched up the top of the blender in the garbage disposal. Now I didn't have one of this disposals as a kid (ok maybe we did, I didn't even know where the kitchen was in our estate) but even I know, when you see plastic shooting out, then stop the bloody disposal.

I think I know which one broke it and he has a lot of nice kitchen tools. I had the impulse to start trashing his things (a la the Egg room in the factory). But I restrained myself, which was hard to do on an empty stomach. I am seceeding from this household. I refuse to take out the trash, only my own, only clean up after myself and I am not speaking to those twerps. I really wish I had enough money to live by myself, but alas I don't.

Those rotten, mean boys can fall down the garbage chute for all I care.

Trying to Redeem while increasing my Self-Esteem

2007-02-27T11:04:00.000-05:00

So still frustrated with my schooling situation and feel driven to succeed even more so then before. I have ventured outside the walls of my shitty institution to get the help I need. But it required me driving about 2 hours away to a big city. Luckily my cousin lives in the area and she convinced me to stay and visit with her before she moves across country. So that was fun. I really need to clean my room and have a place I can actually live in as opposed to shuffling things around from bed to floor to chair just to study or sleep. So hopefully next week that will be an update for you.

Week of Feb 19-Feb 25:
Studying: 8h 15m 56s
Exercise: 3 days of exercise (seems so unlike me)
Diet: early in the week was good (protein shakes and eating in), later on more eating out since visiting my cousin
Social: visited my cousin and watched the oscars

A little late but my Birthday is important...

2007-02-25T17:41:00.000-05:00

So my birthday was about a month ago which had the bloody fortune of falling the week before my very important test. I was planning on not celebrating on my actual birthday and postponing my party for later.
You guys know how I love to have the most fabulous parties

I want a ball
I want a party
Pink macaroons and a million balloons
And performing baboons and ...

I want a party with rooms full of laughter
Ten thousand tons of ice cream
And if I don't get the things I am after
I'm going to scream!

I want the works
I want the whole works
Presents and prizes and sweets and surprises
Of all shapes and sizes

But who would have thought I had such amazing friends. Cornelia Prinzmetal finally made time out of her busy snozzberry indulging schedule to do something real nice, she “kidnapped” me and took me to a bigger city about 2 hour away, where she rented a suite in a hotel. We were later joined by Jane Banks and Pinky Bhamra, who each had a boy in tote. We all went out and danced and had fun, the boys were a little annoying, bossy and what not. I had called my ex Mike Teavee while I was in this bigger city, since he does live there and he totally blew me off. But regardless, I had a smashing good time

Backlog of TIIRs

2007-02-25T17:20:00.000-05:00

Yeah I know I haven't been keeping up with my posting of things. I am still trying to redeem myself and still have goals and what not. But my head went into a bloody spin after my last test and it took me a while to bounce back. But back to the posting and studying.

Week of Jan 29-Feb 4:
Studying: 1 day, 16h 37m 01s (all new record of 10 hour 34 minutes on 2/3/2007)
Exercise: to busy studying
Diet: still eating on the run which isn't that healthy
Social: maybe watched a little TV in between studying but nothing exciting

Week of Feb 5- Feb 11:
Studying: none at all just trying to recover post test
Exercise: completely worn out
Diet: too much in a daze to remember
Social: caught up with people on the phone, paid bills, visited my cousin

Week of Feb 12-Feb 18:
Studying: 2h 44m 47s
Exercise: just busy crying which turned out to be good workout for my abs
Diet: stress eating
Social: visited my cousin, dabbled in video production

Don't Care How... I Want It Now

2007-02-21T00:19:00.000-05:00

A whole new level of anger has been reached for me. Even more so then that time I trashed the Golden Goose room in the Wonka Factory and ended up down the garbage chute. Ok so maybe some will just called me a spoiled brat by declaring what I did back then...

Don't Care How, I Want It Now!!!

But this is different I am working hard and trying my best, but yet it isn't good enough. It is like being poor or something, like working all the time and never having enough to pay bills. Before any of you buggers get on my case, I do know what it feels like to not have money, maybe not abject poverty but that psycho Henrietta (she was only my step mom) took half my dad's assets and his nut business folded (probably would have happened anyways, nuts aren't the most lucrative business). Especially since I have moved away to pursue my dreams, my dad hasn't been forthcoming with what little money he has left.

I feel so shitty about my situation that I even tried talking to my dad about difficulties with my studies and he didn't really help. Every time I talk to people they make it seem as if I am mentally challenged. Well people may not realize this, despite my being intensely spoiled, I was also positively bright. I always scored high in school and did well on tests.

The institution I attend is less then helpful. I honestly don't know what my tution is paying for. The teachers don't teach, they don't post the material we are supposed to learn from so we can even attempt to teach ourselves, and when I have asked them for help I have been shuffled around and snubbed.

People think I am dwelling in self pity and blaming the system. I have been very proactive about my situation. As you know I have no problem demanding what I want (I go about it in a much more civilized manner nowadays). I even have learned to be patient and flexible up to a point. But my institution is failing me both academically and in the support I need (and really have a right to because I pay them for this (teach the bloody lecture...don't tell me to read the damn book, because I could have saved thousands by just buying a few books if that is your point)).

So I want to advance in my studies, I don't want it next year or five years from now, I want it now. My institution is not cooperating and like daddy can be at times...always making things difficult. Within limits I don't care how I get it done (obviously I wouldn't cheat because it would cheapen my whole experience of trying to be a decent person). Looks like a future of lonely days, intense studying and little sleep because I will live up to my old declaration of "I don't care how, I want it now!"

The Intention Is Redemption-Week 4

2007-01-30T12:46:00.000-05:00

Well my social life will have its own special posting about my birthday celebrations once they are finally over. Main focus has been studying, not as good as last week but I didn't have a party celebrating me last week either. Only an hour difference. I have to keep it up, the test is next week. Hopefully I will set a new record this week.

Week of Jan 22-28:
Studying: 1 day 1 hours 12 minutes (a little less than the week before)
Exercise: 2 miles (video tape) that didn't last too long since studying
Diet: still eating on the run which isn't that healthy
Social: Had a surprise birthday bash thrown by my friends

The Intention Is Redemption-Week 3

2007-01-24T13:06:00.000-05:00

So I don't know what it is saying that I feel like I don't have anytime to even post this. But I have really stepped up the academic thing...about 4-6 hours a day. Not much besides studying since I was sick. But trying to keep my spirits up as the studying gets more intense (much like that ride on Wonkatania, not too much fun, but it gets you there).

Week of Jan 15-21:
Studying: 1 day 2 hours 2 minutes (big improvement from the week before)
Exercise: not much of that since I was sick most of the weekend
Diet: Plenty of high sodium soup mixes...main goal was to get better
Social: Discovered the wonder that is Uno's Happy Hour Bar menu (really low prices) with a friend

School over Snozzberries is the way to go.

2007-01-19T10:26:00.000-05:00

Snozzing is what I like to refer to when indulging in snozzberries. That is one thing I do have to thank that Wonka Wanker for; introducing me to the wonder that is the snozzberry. Snozzberries really are the best, they make you feel so alive and wonderful during and a couple days afterwards. But in this day and age, this day being one of many that I am in school and my age of knowing that I can't just take snozzberries from any old stranger, snozzberries are hard to come by. If I am lucky I can maybe indulge in them once a month but that is even rare. I have seriously gone years without snozzberries.

But I was having tea with Ms. Cornelia Prinzmetel and she mentions to me between all her lip-smacking, gum-chewing that last month she went three days sans snozzberries due to her studying for tests and nearly went crazy, mind you this is right after she calls me a snozzberry addict. Why did she call me an addict you inquire? Oh because I accepted a Snozzberry from Mike Teavee (he and I had a thing in the past). Now Mike although he has matured quite a bit still hasn't gotten there quite yet, he is always trying to shoot people with that fake gun of his (Good thing his dad did not get him that Colt 45 when he turned 12). But despite's Mike's immaturity, he was always pleasant and funny in his own way and I don't see anything wrong with taking snozzberries from him, plus it was New Year's. What better time to Snozz then on New Year's!

Although jealous of Cornelia Prinzmetal's constant Snozzing (I don't even know where she finds so many snozzberries, she can be real secretive about it) and slightly annoyed about her complaining about three measly little days without Snozzing, I think she has a good point. I do waste an awful lot of my time thinking about and searching for Snozzberries. I have even resorted to looking online for them, I have been to nervous to actually buy any since I am real picky about my Snozzberry selection. For example,I found myself the other night craving Snozzberries in the worst kind of way. It was 3 am and there I was watching clips of Snozzberry juice making, old Snozzberry commercials, reading about Snozzberry picking, and even looking at some photos of Snozzberries in general, like Snozzberries with other berries in a bowl on the kitchen counter, people eating Snozzberries at work, families eating Snozzberries, Snozzberries in farmer's markets, Snozzberris in every kind of situation imaginable. Of course giving me the illusion that everyone in the world has Snozzberries except me. Which is not true because I went searching for the Snozzberries or at least pictures of them. But I digress, Cornelia Prinzmetal's comment made me realize that although I constantly search for Snozzberries, there are no Snozzberries (or the people that provide them) out there searching for me.

Time to stop the madness, I am going to spend my thoughts in other ways and not always thinking of those damn Snozzberries. I don't want to be the kind of girl that takes Snozzberries from strangers, or just eats Snozzberries for the sake of eating them and not enjoying them. I am not that kind of girl. Although few and far between, every Snozzberry I have had I did enjoy at the moment. I will admit some did give me a dreadful tummyache afterwards. I want to continue enjoying Snozzberries until old age sets in, past the age where most people continue to enjoy Snozzberries. If I continue to obsess over them, then I may become desperate and start eating the moldy, suspect ones I have avoided in the past. So I will stop looking at photos, old movie clips, and reading about them. I will even divert my thoughts away from Snozzberries. I have bigger fish to fry (my marks in School) and Snozzberries will always be there. I also figure if I am failing in School would I even enjoy my Snozzberries as much, probably not. When Mike Teavee gave some Snozzberries to me, they were fine but academic disaster still loomed in the air and it just wasn't the same.
Snozzing I shall have None of that...For Now!

Feeling Better

2007-01-18T00:11:00.000-05:00

So I made it to the doctor today, he confirmed my suspicions that my thermometer is indeed not broken but I am sick. My temp was struggling to make it to 96 degrees. My blood pressure is a little elevated but I suspect all the prepackaged soup mixtures are not the most low sodium foods. He informed me it is viral and can last as long as 14 days alas it is only day 7 for me. I am not going to push myself and relapse later on, so I plan on returning to school friday. So I napped and studied, studied and napped. And my friends good news indeed, it is only Wednesday and I have already surpassed last week's study time. I managed to get 6 hours of studying today in between my naps, and dressing and undressing to get warm or cool off. I am real proud of myself. I have one engagement tomorrow evening I hope to log another 5 hours of study before I go. I also need to clean my room it is a mess. For those of you who know me ever since that dreadful factory tour, daddy took away the maid; so my room is always in a state of disarray but this is beyond normal due to coming back from vacation and then falling ill. I still have my luggage out. Need to put those away before someone falls. There are somethings I do miss from the old days (before I met that horrible bastard in the funny hat...his chocolate doesn't even taste that good) and one of them is having a clean room. Why can't I have someone clean my room? Wonka has those handy little Oompa Loompas, I bet he doesn't even clean anything in that dreadful factory of his. I have wasted enough time complaining, I could have picked up about 5 items off my floor in that time.

The Intention is Redemption...Week 2

2007-01-16T23:26:00.000-05:00

Ok so some residual anger at my position. It is expected, what isn't expected is that it is not ok for me to display this at all. The higher powers that be would love me to see professional help. Which is fine with me, what I have a problem with is the higher powers thinking this is a new idea. I used to see a lady and somehow it stopped but not for lack of my trying to reach her. Obviously my therapist has more important people to see. But now that I am angry (not much unlike the time that wanker Wonka had me fall down the garbage chute) it is like I have a problem I have been ignoring. I was trying to avoid it and people didnt want to help and now it is my fault. Goody for people that can help themselves and have no problems. I am just trying to keep the therapists, psychologists and other head shrinkers employed, or at least my own for the time being. Enough of the angry rants.

I want to end on a high note so I will say that my week ended with me dreadfully ill; cough, runny nose, body aches, chills...so a little bit more than a head cold which is what I thought it was.

Highlights of the week. I got 2 hours of studying in before I went out dancing with my friends. I even got along with the marginal people in the group, some I stopped talking to last year. I ate greasy dinner food, post clubbing (not helping with the healthy diet goals I have been vague about). I went on a date...pretty much blind dating of the online variety (ok I guess I am a loser in more ways than one). I thought he looked better than the picture I had seen and was quite charming. I had a good time...and he, well he was out with me (I was 1.5 hours late...so it might not have been so good for him.)

Week of Jan 8-14:
Studying: 10 hours 57 minutes (big improvement from the week before)
Exercise: 15 laps in pool on wednesday (should probably do better)
Diet: not still on vacation but somehow ignoring this due to no groceries and eating cafeteria food.
Social: Went out on Friday dancing (lots of fun), had a date Sat. afternoon and now I am sick...I would like to think it is a coincidence. I was actually getting sick before any of my social events happened.

The Intention Is Redemption (kick off)

2007-01-11T16:03:00.000-05:00

I am in a position I don't want to be in. I want to move on with my life but have a huge obstacle to overcome. Having suffered some failures and set backs this past 2 years I have some rough road ahead. So this is my plan, is to take myself from this less then optimal position and put me back in the running, and back on top (not that I have actually ever been there). My goal is academic and academic alone. So the name of my project is The Intention is Redemption (TIIR), so I will post updates about my progress. Minimum of at least once a week to see how many study hours I logged in, main goal is studying but I may include exercise and diet, and social highlights. This blog will help me deflect my anger and frustration and focus on the task at hand. So here it goes.

Week of Jan 1-7:
Studying: 4 hours 27 minutes
Exercise: umm still working on that
Diet: was on vacation for most of it so lets ignore that for now
Social: Went to California for the first time and absolutely loved it