Trying to Redeem while increasing my Self-Esteem

So still frustrated with my schooling situation and feel driven to succeed even more so then before. I have ventured outside the walls of my shitty institution to get the help I need. But it required me driving about 2 hours away to a big city. Luckily my cousin lives in the area and she convinced me to stay and visit with her before she moves across country. So that was fun. I really need to clean my room and have a place I can actually live in as opposed to shuffling things around from bed to floor to chair just to study or sleep. So hopefully next week that will be an update for you.

Week of Feb 19-Feb 25:
Studying: 8h 15m 56s
Exercise: 3 days of exercise (seems so unlike me)
Diet: early in the week was good (protein shakes and eating in), later on more eating out since visiting my cousin
Social: visited my cousin and watched the oscars

A little late but my Birthday is important...

So my birthday was about a month ago which had the bloody fortune of falling the week before my very important test. I was planning on not celebrating on my actual birthday and postponing my party for later.
You guys know how I love to have the most fabulous parties

I want a ball
I want a party
Pink macaroons and a million balloons
And performing baboons and ...

I want a party with rooms full of laughter
Ten thousand tons of ice cream
And if I don't get the things I am after
I'm going to scream!

I want the works
I want the whole works
Presents and prizes and sweets and surprises
Of all shapes and sizes

But who would have thought I had such amazing friends. Cornelia Prinzmetal finally made time out of her busy snozzberry indulging schedule to do something real nice, she “kidnapped” me and took me to a bigger city about 2 hour away, where she rented a suite in a hotel. We were later joined by Jane Banks and Pinky Bhamra, who each had a boy in tote. We all went out and danced and had fun, the boys were a little annoying, bossy and what not. I had called my ex Mike Teavee while I was in this bigger city, since he does live there and he totally blew me off. But regardless, I had a smashing good time

Backlog of TIIRs

Yeah I know I haven't been keeping up with my posting of things. I am still trying to redeem myself and still have goals and what not. But my head went into a bloody spin after my last test and it took me a while to bounce back. But back to the posting and studying.

Week of Jan 29-Feb 4:
Studying: 1 day, 16h 37m 01s (all new record of 10 hour 34 minutes on 2/3/2007)
Exercise: to busy studying
Diet: still eating on the run which isn't that healthy
Social: maybe watched a little TV in between studying but nothing exciting

Week of Feb 5- Feb 11:
Studying: none at all just trying to recover post test
Exercise: completely worn out
Diet: too much in a daze to remember
Social: caught up with people on the phone, paid bills, visited my cousin

Week of Feb 12-Feb 18:
Studying: 2h 44m 47s
Exercise: just busy crying which turned out to be good workout for my abs
Diet: stress eating
Social: visited my cousin, dabbled in video production

Don't Care How... I Want It Now

A whole new level of anger has been reached for me. Even more so then that time I trashed the Golden Goose room in the Wonka Factory and ended up down the garbage chute. Ok so maybe some will just called me a spoiled brat by declaring what I did back then...

Don't Care How, I Want It Now!!!

But this is different I am working hard and trying my best, but yet it isn't good enough. It is like being poor or something, like working all the time and never having enough to pay bills. Before any of you buggers get on my case, I do know what it feels like to not have money, maybe not abject poverty but that psycho Henrietta (she was only my step mom) took half my dad's assets and his nut business folded (probably would have happened anyways, nuts aren't the most lucrative business). Especially since I have moved away to pursue my dreams, my dad hasn't been forthcoming with what little money he has left.

I feel so shitty about my situation that I even tried talking to my dad about difficulties with my studies and he didn't really help. Every time I talk to people they make it seem as if I am mentally challenged. Well people may not realize this, despite my being intensely spoiled, I was also positively bright. I always scored high in school and did well on tests.

The institution I attend is less then helpful. I honestly don't know what my tution is paying for. The teachers don't teach, they don't post the material we are supposed to learn from so we can even attempt to teach ourselves, and when I have asked them for help I have been shuffled around and snubbed.

People think I am dwelling in self pity and blaming the system. I have been very proactive about my situation. As you know I have no problem demanding what I want (I go about it in a much more civilized manner nowadays). I even have learned to be patient and flexible up to a point. But my institution is failing me both academically and in the support I need (and really have a right to because I pay them for this (teach the bloody lecture...don't tell me to read the damn book, because I could have saved thousands by just buying a few books if that is your point)).

So I want to advance in my studies, I don't want it next year or five years from now, I want it now. My institution is not cooperating and like daddy can be at times...always making things difficult. Within limits I don't care how I get it done (obviously I wouldn't cheat because it would cheapen my whole experience of trying to be a decent person). Looks like a future of lonely days, intense studying and little sleep because I will live up to my old declaration of "I don't care how, I want it now!"